Hey, Keith Smart, how you doin’? (Brooklyn style!) I’m not doing so well, hecman, my team is 7-16 and I’m lost as a coach. (Indiana style!). Oh, man, fhuggetabout it, Smaat, you gots Isaiah Thomas to play, he can light it up, yo. That’s true, maybe I should play him some more, last year as a starter he averaged 31.8 mpg/14.8 ppg/5.4 apg/3.1 rpg/1.6 3pm/1 spg/.477 FG/.841 FT, maybe we can use some of that. Youse think youse can use some of dat? Tyreke Evans has a bum knee bone and Aaron Brooks is older than a stale fart, so why don’t you give Isaiah a chance. Yes, we can use some of that, I would advise all fantasy owners in standard leagues to spec grab him and why are you talking with a Brooklyn accent, hecman, are you even from Brooklyn? No, no, I’m not but I feel like talking with a heavy Brooklyn accent today, tomorrow maybe I’ll talk like I’m from Lawng Island. What can I say, I like cheesy, embarrassing accents I guess. Blush. Anyway, there were only 4 games in the NBA yesterday, here’s what else I saw in fantasy basketball:
Jose Calderon – 18/10/14 with a steal, three and a block. You know what I’m going to say, don’t you? Give me an S. S. Give me an E. E. Give me an L! L. Give me another L! L. Ok, Skippy, now spell it out. That’s your new name.
Ed Davis – 13/6/2 with 3 blocks in 26 minutes. If he’s still sitting out there in your sleepy league then go ahead and grab him. Don’t be shy, go ahead. He should continue to be good for some boards, points and some blocks while Andrea Bargnani remains sidelined, then he’ll turn into a pumpkin. No, really, he will literally turn into a pumpkin. I don’t make this stuff up.
Amir Johnson – 8/8/1 with 5 blocks in 29 minutes. As I told you on Friday, Amir and Ed should be grabbed. He’ll fart on your pillow every once in awhile even when he gets minutes but just change the pillow case. Ewwwww.
Jonas Valanciunas – 2/2/1 with 2 blocks in 14 minutes. Jonas, you’re making me look bad, man. Bad boy, very, very bad. hecman blushes in embarrassment for recommending him over Ed Davis and Amir Johnson last week. My bad! It happens. Sigh.
Alan Anderson – 24/2/2 with 3 threes in 25 minutes. Go ahead and grab him if you’re in need of a player with the initials AA. I’m guessing Arron Afflalo is gone and you probably don’t want Al-Farouq Aminu anymore. That covers all the NBA players with the initials AA. You’re welcome.
Mickael Pietrus – 2/2/1 in 21 minutes. Here’s what I told you two weeks ago about Mickael: Mikael Pietrus – 21/6/1 with a steal and 2 threes. Oh, gosh, I’ve been down this road before with Mikael. I’m not going down this road with him again, it’s a long and winding road and leads to only one place … a dead end! I hope you didn’t run into that dead end!
Marcus Morris – 19/6/1 with 2 threes in 37 minutes as Patrick Patterson sat with a bruised foot bone. Yes, yes, go stream him while Patrick is out. What are you waiting for, what are you waiting for-or-or? Such a catchy tune, I wish I knew who sang it.
Antawn Jamison – 0/3/2 in 13 minutes. I warned you soooo many times not to drink the Kool-Aid, man. I warned you, don’t even say I didn’, mmm-mmm. Now if only Metta World Peace would cooperate, I think he will … eventually. I’m still selling MWP high, I think you should too!
Nick Young – 30/4/2 with a steal and 6 threes as the Sixers lost at home to the Lakers. I’m not sure Nick even knows the score of the games he plays in. He just likes to shoot the dayum ball! Continue to stream this week while Jrue Holiday remains sidelined but you already knew that. You’re so astute!
Kenneth Faried – 6/8/0 with a block in 26 minutes. Has now scored single digit points in 3 of his last 4 and single digit rebounds in 3 of his last 5. You know what to do, don’t make me spell it out for you! If I must, I refer you to the Jose Calderon blurb above but do the opposite.
Robin Lopez – 8/3/1 in 20 minutes. Now averaging 6.5 ppg/4.5 rpg over his last 4. You like that? Didn’t think so. Here’s what I told you back on November 26: Robin Lopez – 14/5/1 with 2 steals and 4 blocks. I’m warning you, man, move him now while the gettin’ is good. You’ve been behooved! I warned you so many times to sell him high before Anthony Davis got back but nooooooooooooo. You didn’t lose him did you? How’s that Kool-Aid taste now, son!?
Al Farouq-Aminu – 0/5/1 in 8 minutes. I would say something really mean and nasty about Al-Farouq but I don’t need any fatwahs put on me so I’ll just say this in a nice, quiet, gentle voice. hecman whispers. Lose him.
Wesley Matthews – 3/0/0 with a three in 4 minutes before exiting stage left with a hip bone problem. The Trailblazers don’t play again until Thursday so maybe he’ll be back by then. Hey, I just met you and this is crazy but here’s my number so call me maybe. But not until Thursday morning. Ok?
Anthony Davis – 15/5/1 with a block in 34 minutes. If you wish to buy low, you still may have a chance but you better hurry!, said Robin Lopez.
Austin Rivers – 8/1/2 with a three in 33 minutes. Has now averaged almost 36 mpg over his last 4. There are certain players that you’d think I wanted to date the way I blurb about them so often (Rodney Stuckey!). Anyway, go grab him in standard leagues, he’s been better lately. Minutes, precious minutes, said frequent commenter allballs.
Oh, by the way, if you haven’t already, check out my guest appearance from Saturday on Michael Pichan’s awesome Rotoinfo Fantasy Basketball Breakdown podcast. It’s fantasy basketball podcast nirvana!