Open letter to owners of DeMarcus Cousins from DeMarcus Cousins: Dear My Fantasy Basketball Owners, Hello, my name is DeMarcus Cousins and I’m a jackass, but you already knew both of those things. Sometimes I state the obvious, I’m sorry, I’m not too smart, in fact, my agent is typing this letter, I’m just, what’s that called, dictating? Agent nods his head. Yes, yes, I’m dictating. Anyways, I want to explain my actions from the other night. You see, that little man, the coach, Keith Smart was getting on my nerves so I gave it to him in the locker room. For whatever reason he’s not happy that his star center is only shooting .414 FG on the season. The truth is I’ve been off my game ever since Hostess announced that they were closing and I can’t buy Twinkies anymore. Twinkies are my brain food so I’ve been a little lost lately. The creamy middle is kind of like the inside of my head. Anyway, part two!, if you do own me, I advise you to sell me once I come back and play a few games. You’ll also be doing your FG a favor. Don’t sell me too low though, get solid value for me but, the truth is, I’m an enigma, I’m what you might call a malcontent. Nobody likes malcontents. Am I right or am I right? Rhetorical! God, I have to stop reading hecmanhoops. Sincerely, DeMarcus (Twinkie Power) Cousins.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy basketball yesterday:
Dorell Wright – 8/6/2 with 3 steals, a block and 2 threes in 29 minutes. Ok, go ahead and grab him in 14 team leagues if you’d like but don’t be surprised if he plays like 17 minutes next game and farts on your pillow.
Spencer Hawes – 5/4/3 in 20 minutes. Here’s what I told you back on December 14 when Spencer started to get run: Spencer Hawes – 42% – Been getting burn, pick him up and ship him out quick, quick! Well, did you? You have to trust my Magic 8 Ball who moonlights as a crystal ball on weekends in Manhattan on these things. He knows everything!
Keith Bogans – Started and dropped 13/2/3 with a steal and 2 threes in 35 minutes. Good things don’t historically happen to NBA teams when Keith Bogans is a starter so, well, yes. Monitor.
Derrick Williams – 5/5/0 in 12 minutes as Kevin Love sat out and probably cost many a fantasy owner his H2H week. Gee, thanks, Kevin, you blow! Sorry, I lost control for a moment. Anyway, back at the ranch, Dante Cunningham dropped 12/10/1 with a steal in 28 minutes. You know who to stream if Kevin is to miss games in the future. And it’s not Derrick Williams!
Ricky Rubio – 5/1/2 in 18 minutes. Ricky is still on a minutes count and, don’t forget, December is equivalent to his training camp so I advise to stay patient. I think it’ll pay off. It better pay off! I think it will.
Gustavo Ayon – 9/12/3 in 37 minutes. Last week after Glen Davis went down I advised you to monitor Gustavo and grab Andrew Nicholson. Oops. My reasonable assumption was wrong. That’s all I can do for you sometimes is make reasonable assumptions. Seems reasonable. I’m not dropping Nicholson yet in my 14 team league but you can probably lose him in standard leagues for a hot free agent.
Jamal Tinsley – With Mo Williams sidelined indefinitely, Jamal is your Huckleberry in Utah. Hurry now, better hurry, quick, quick, go, go. Sorry to be so pushy. It’s my Italian mother’s fault.
Derrick Favors – 12/4/0 with a block in 18 minutes. Now averaging 22 mpg/9.6 ppg/6.7 rpg/1.7 bpg on the season. Useful for standard leagues but meh. Here’s what I told you back in my pre-season Draft Guide where I ranked him 106 overall: 106. Derrick Favors – I’m not going to lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Flava Favors but I see other, um, experts love him. He’s improving from year to year but the problem is he’s got two studs playing alongside him (ahead of him!) in Utah’s front court. I don’t know, maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’m not! He’ll be useful though and if Paul Millsap or Al Jefferson ever go down, watch out! Sound about right so far? You’re welcome.
Kris Humphries – DNP-CD. Hmmph! I warned you on Twitter not to buy him low waaaay back in November and instead advised you to try to sell him on name recognition. Don’t even try to say I didn’. Mmm-mmm.
Kawhi Leonard – 17/4/2 with 5 steals and 3 threes on 6-11 FG and 2-2 FT. Kawhi Leonard – 45% – A little bit of steals in my life, a little bit of threes by my side, a little bit of rebounds is all I need, a little bit of solid percents all night long. Kawhi Number 5! Did you grab him last week? I hope so! He’ll probably be owned in over 70% of leagues soon.
Gary Neal – 3/1/1 with a steal and a three in 9 minutes. He can be lost for a hot free agent if you’d like. Go ahead, go for it, don’t be shy.
Manu Ginobili – 6/4/9 with 4 steals and a three in 21 minutes. Outside of the point total the line was fantastic. I’m still thinking he’s a decent buy low if you can deal with the limited minutes. That’s not going to change. In fact, he’s only averaging 27.8 mpg for his entire career! Yes, true story, go look it up for yourself. I never lie.
Jared Dudley – 19/7/2 with 2 steals in 36 minutes. On Friday a reader tweeted me asking where was Jared Dudley on my Add/Drop post. I responded saying I didn’t have him on the list because his ownership was too high (67%) on Friday but I did mention him earlier in the week. That’s what I do, I mention guys everyday who should be grabbed, not just Fridays. I care! Sniff.
Matt Barnes – 15/8/2 with 3 threes in 24 minutes. Matt been doin’ his thang, y’all. He be gettin’ it done, fo shizzle! Ebonics!
DeAndre Jordan – 4/3/0 with 2 steals in 17 minutes. He’s only averaging 22.6 mpg over his last 5 so if his owner is a bit frustrated make the inquiry on a buy low if you’re in need of some boards and blocks. Or don’t. I’m easy like that!
Marcus Thornton – 22/4/2 with 2 steals and 2 threes as Tyreke Evans sat again with a knee bone problem. Here’s what I told you impatient Thornton owners last week: Oh, and you Marcus Thornton owners, don’t lose him just yet, don’t do it, mmm-mmm. Now is his chance! It’s called common sense. Try it, you’ll like it. Like Mikey!
Hey, by the way, hecmanhoops is considering selling awesome hecmanhoops t-shirts so you can show off to your family, friends and pick up that hot chick/guy in a bar. It’ll make for a great conversation piece! Or not. Who might be in if the awesome t-shirts were say 15 beans (USD!)? Feel free to say yay or nay in the Comments. I hope it’s a yay. I would be sad otherwise. Insert sad face emoticon here.