All I know is that Chris Bosh’s wife didn’t marry him for his good looks. The man is ugly! Not as ugly as Willie McGee or anything like that but, let’s face it, he was born so ugly his parents almost named him Shit Happens. Anyhoo! If you read my pre-season rankings, you probably noticed that I had Chris Bosh ranked higher than other, um, experts. In fact, I had him ranked 13th overall ahead of such handsome men as Serge Ibaka and Blake Griffin. Last night Chris went off for 26/15/4 with a block, steal and 3 threes on 9 of 15 FG and 5 of 5 FT. If you managed to grab him in the second round, congrats! If you managed to somehow grab him in the third round, you’re playing with a bunch of silly people and you should assume you will easily crush them all this year. If you didn’t grab him, well, you can always grab him in the first round next year! Sigh. Here’s what else I saw in fantasy basketball last night:
Jabari Parker – 8/4/1 with a steal in 37 minutes. Let’s, um, focus on the 37 part. Keep the faith! Oh, in one of my leagues, there is a team name called Kareem Abdul Jabari. Cute!
Cody Zeller – 11/2/0 with a steal in 20 minutes. I can see him getting a little burn this year. The Hornets don’t have much up front. He also looks pretty good in blue! Deep league consideration only. Like 16+ at this point but keep your eye on him. One eye!
K.J. McDaniels – 2/2/1 with a steal and a block in 20 minutes. Not exactly what owners were hoping for but it’s a long season and you’re going to need some patience with him. If you’re in a shallowish 12 team league or a 10 teamer, I wouldn’t hesitate to lose him for someone getting burn. Fo’ shizzle hold onto him in anything deeper though. What’s shallow you may ask? IDK, like 150 total players or less. Something like that.
Alexey Shved – 18/3/5 with 3 threes in 24 minutes. Here’s what I told you in the pre-season point guard rankings Michael Carter-Williams blurb: If you want a sneaky pick in the meantime, take a look gander at Tony Wroten and in deeper leagues, Alexey Shved. That said, we’re talking short shelf life. Say that 4x fast!
Chris Copeland – 11/2/2 with a block and 2 threes in 27 minutes. He was one of my favorite deep sleepers this season. Indiana aint that good! That’s where sleepers come from. Shitty teams! Let’s see how he looks when David West comes back though. Keep your eye on him or grab him if you have room.
Mirza Teletovic – 20/6/1 with 2 blocks and 4 threes in 23 minutes. I really don’t trust Brook Lopez’s foot. Not that foot, the other foot!
Kelly Olynyk – 19/6/2 with a 3 in 20 minutes. Here’s what I told you in the Draft Guide last week: 123. Kelly Olynyk – When he plays, he produces. And he should get minutes this year! So you do the math. I use a calculator! I suck in math. Hope you targeted him late. He’s gonna be on a lot of winning fantasy teams this year. I want you to win! I really do care. Sniff.
Drew Gooden – Started and dropped 18/5/1 with a 3 in 34 minutes. Can be largely ignored despite the line. Pay attention!
Norris Cole – 23/3/2 with 3 threes in 28 minutes. He also shot 9-15 FG. The kid was hot last night and is the starting PG. I’m still not losing Mario Chalmers though. Don’t you lose him. Mmm mmm.
Mike Scott – 20/4/1 with a 4 threes on 8-11 FG in 20 minutes. If you told me he will shoot 8-11 FG and hit 4 threes in just 20 minutes every night I’d recommend him. But he won’t so … Deep league grab only.
Andrew Wiggins – 6/3/1 with 2 steals and a three in 19 minutes. If he continues starting slow then go ahead and buy him low this month. The old buy low – sell high play!
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – 7/7/3 with no steals and a three on 3-19 FG. At what p0int does it just get obnoxious that he keeps shooting? The sound of clank isn’t very appealing! Don’t fall in love with the minutes long term, Jody Meeks looms but you’ve got time.
Patrick Beverley – 7/2/2 with a steal and a three in 31 minutes. I avoided him in every league I’m in. He’s not exactly a stat sheet filler upperer. Or something like that.
Perry Jones – 3/3/0 in 31 minutes. I love the burn but once Jeremy Lamb and Reggie Jackson are back he could become a drop candidate if they decide to go smallish. Ride him for now and watch! Oh, it’s Perry Jones III. Can’t forget that part!
Nik Stauskas – 9/o/0 in 26 minutes. Terrible line but I like that he got 26 minutes of run. Keep your eye on him. Ben McLemore isn’t exactly James Harden.
Marcus Morris – 21/1/1 with a steal and 5 threes in 29 minutes. Here’s what I told you last week: 140. Marcus Morris – He’ll compete for minutes with P.J. Tucker and Gerald Green but could wind up being the best of the bunch. Most likely, he’ll have to be efficient because 30+ minutes of regular burn will be hard to come by unless he’s just soooo good. Once P.J. Tucker is back I do expect a minutes crunch but great start!
Jeremy Lin – 6/2/1 in 21 minutes but don’t forget when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had 3 missed calls from Jeremy Lin.